Perimenopause is meant to be hellish isn’t it?

It’s just what happens in perimenopause and post menopause, and we just have to suck it up, right?

I mean, your friends are also talking about feeling the same aren’t they?

• Like they’re running on about 10% battery and the warning light to re-charge is flashing at them but really, they just look at it and think “Yeah, I probably should do something about that” and then forget straight away.
• That their wild sex fantasies have been replaced by wild sleep fantasies, and to add insult to injury they feel like that favourite fantasy about Chris Hemsworth is more likely to happen than getting a decent night’s sleep.
• Wondering where the factory reset button is for their brain because it seems to be malfunctioning.

Yeah but nah

Two things to consider: common vs normal, and common vs compulsory.

Period pain is common, but not normal. Anxiety is common, but we shouldn’t have to live this way. So yes, feeling exhausted, like your brain is full of cotton wool and, to use the expression many of my clients have used, feeling “just blah”, is pretty common in perimenopause and beyond, but we can do things differently. And we deserve something a whole lot better than that.

The first thing to do though is to check your perspective. If lots of your friends and similar-aged colleagues feel like you do, they are probably at the same hormonal life-stage (perimenopausal, early postmenopausal), with similar commitments (kids, parents, work) and similar stressors (hormonal changes, commitments, finances, health issues, relationship strain etc). So it makes sense that they’re feeling blah too.

In addition to this is the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon, also called the frequency-illusion bias.  Even if you’ve not heard the name you have probably experienced it; it is where once you notice or learn about something then you see it everywhere. Try it out – next time you get in the car think about blue cars and then see if you notice more.  Same happens with our perception of midlife – yep, we know people going through the same stuff, but as we talk about and learn more about it, it seems to be everywhere and to have taken over the world, and all the bad things seem to be unavoidable.

But it is really important to know that yes, perimenopause and postmenopause symptoms are very real, and lots of women have them, but not every woman, not all the time, not forever, and they’re not compulsory. 

 If not blah, then what?

It is possible to have energy to do the things you love, the things you want to, and yes, those other things too, like chores.  I’ve seen the benefits of making changes in my own life, and in the lives of women I work with in clinic, it is do-able and not outrageously hard.  But don’t just take my word for it, here’s a small snapshot of some recent research on some things you can do now to start feeling better.

A short course in resistance (weights) training improved women’s general well‑being plus most women had an improvement in vasomotor symptoms (hot flushes and night sweats). Interestingly, women’s motivation changed from “wanting to reduce annoying symptoms” at the beginning, to “wanting to feel awesome and enjoying it” (maybe not the researcher’s exact wording).

Another study looking at exercise and perimenopause found that women who exercised had improvement in their physical function, pain, vitality and emotional wellbeing. If your exercise is walking in nature the benefits may be even better with physiological improvements (e.g.. lowered blood pressure), better mood and sleep.

Other research looks at nourishment (ok, they call it diet), and found that low levels of polyunsaturated dietary fats (nuts, seeds, lean meats, olive oil, soybeans) and omega 3 fatty acids (oily fish, linseeds, walnuts and their oils) is associated with more anxiety and depression.

More research yet, looked at yoga nidra rest practice in postmenopause and found improved mood and improved sleep. Mindfulness meditation has also been found to improve sleep and mood, win-win.

Some simple things you can do today

• Make a list of your symptoms – note if anything else is going on that might be contributing to feeling blah.
• Make an appointment with your healthcare professional for a review and treatment support.
• Identify what you can change, or do differently (get some sleep, the reverse miracle – turn your wine into water, get some fresh air, go for a walk – and take that walk outdoors to feel even better).
• And, you knew it was coming didn’t you – the old gratitude list.  It really does work, even if you think it is cheesy.