Self-sabotage or the wrong goals?

It’s Not Always Self-Sabotage—Sometimes, Your Goals Just Suck

Does this sound familiar? You set a goal with the best intentions, only to abandon it weeks (or even days) later? And then, the guilt sets in. The frustration. The inner critic whispering (or shouting), "Why do I always sabotage myself?"

But what if it’s not self-sabotage? What if the real problem is the goal itself?

Why Some Goals Feel Like a Struggle

We’re often told that if we’re not reaching our goals, it’s because we lack motivation, discipline, or willpower. "Everyone has the same 24 hours" and other lies! But sometimes, the issue isn’t effort—it’s misalignment. If a goal doesn’t reflect your true values, priorities, or current season of life, your brain will resist it. Not because you’re lazy, but because deep down, it just doesn’t fit.

Here are a few reasons your goals might not be working for you:

1. They’re Not Actually Your Goals

Ever set a goal because someone else made it sound important? Maybe you decided to train for a marathon because a friend did, or you started a restrictive diet or intense intermittent fasting regimes because someone on Instagram convinced you it was the secret to feeling amazing. If you’re struggling to stay committed, ask yourself: Do I actually want this, or did I just inherit this goal from someone else?

2. They Clash with Your Core Values

If health is a priority for you, but your goal is rooted in external validation poor pressure, like losing weight purely to be "beach-ready", it may never sit right with you (and rightly so). Goals that align with your values feel more meaningful and sustainable. Instead of forcing yourself into something that doesn't match your deeper "why," try shifting your focus. For example, moving your body because it makes you feel strong and energised, or because you love dance or hiking in nature, rather than just because you “should.”

3. They Don’t Fit Your Season of Life

What worked for you five or ten years ago might not work now—and that’s okay. Life changes, and so do our priorities. If a goal feels draining, it may be time to adjust it to reflect where you are now, not where you used to be.

4. They Feel Like a Chore, Not a Choice

Discomfort is normal when working toward a goal, but dread is a different story. If you have to force yourself to stick with something every single day, consider whether it’s truly adding value to your life. The best goals stretch you without breaking you.

So, What’s the Fix?

Instead of blaming yourself for "failing" at a goal, take a step back and reflect:

• Do I actually care about this goal?
• Does it align with my values and the life I want to create?
• Am I doing this for me, or because I feel like I ‘should’?
• Is there a way to adjust this goal so it feels more energising and less exhausting?

If a goal isn’t working for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. And giving yourself permission to pivot isn’t quitting—it’s self-awareness.

The Bottom Line

Not every abandoned goal is self-sabotage. Sometimes, it’s self-protection. And sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go of what isn’t serving you and make space for what truly matters.