Who owns your time if not you?

And can you really “do self-care” if you don’t reclaim some of your own time?⁠

An Australian study by Jean Hailes found that women aged 36-50 had the least amount of time alone, least amount of time allocated for self-care.

When they asked women how often they set aside for themselves, this is how they replied:

• daily – 16.8%
• weekly – 36.9%
• monthly – 19.6%
• several times a year – 16.3%
• yearly – 3.2%
• NEVER – 7.2%

So what?

Is this a problem or is focusing on it a bit of a first-world problem? Both really. But if you can set time aside for yourself, it is important to do so in order to meet your own physical and mental health, creativity, rest and social needs.

Oh, and when we look at gender difference, Australian Government data shows that women had 31 minutes less free time on average per day than men, about 3 2/3 hours a week. Obviously, this is an average, and binary and doesn’t chat about kids or sick parents etc, but it does highlight that men can be better at creating space for themselves.

Why don’t we claim our time?

We’re socialised to “nurture” and put others first, so we feel guilty if we put ourselves first, or worry that we’ll be mislabelled selfish or self-centred, or that we lack empathy. We worry about not being liked, or asked out again or promoted.

And we can end up simply not knowing how to do it.

Some tips for setting aside time for yourself

•  Plan small chunks and big chunks.
• Make it an action not a goal. Plan it. Put it in the dairy, do it.
• Small chunks would be a daily plan where you might block 15 minutes to do a quick relaxation exercise or kitchen dance, or time to exercise.  
• Set an alarm if it helps.
• Weekly chunks might be catching up with friends and family, any health appointments, and bigger still would be holidays, or doing a course you’ve been thinking of – for work or pleasure.
• Don’t wait until you have free time.  There will be no free time, some task will quickly appear and gobble up that time.
• Actively make time, don’t passively hope it will magically land in your lap.

Sit with any discomfort you feel when you leave able-bodied people in a safe environment happily doing their own thing while you go for a walk.  They’ll be fine.  Just keep doing it (fake it until you make it) until you no longer feel pangs of misplaced guilt and instead realise how much you need and enjoy it.

Aim for half an hour a day if time to yourself is a new thing, and build from there.  Here’s some ideas for short chunks of time.

What might you do in your newly claimed time?

Nothing. Sweet, glorious nothing.

• Cloud watching
• Sit on the deck with a cuppa or cold drink and relax. No phone, laptop, book, music, list.
• Go for a walk around the block.
• Have a long bath.
• Doing some breathing exercises, in a relaxed way not rushing your relaxation!
• Stretch.
• Sing and dance.
• Chat with a friend or loved one.
• Lie on the floor and put your legs up the wall.
• Have a massage.
• Go to bed early.

And even some of the bigger ones like,

• Make a plan for what you’ll cook and eat for the week and what you need to buy (it can be rough but this takes so much boring mental load off during the week).
• Meditate.
• Make and attend any healthcare appointments you need.
• Exercise regularly.
• Catch up with friends and family.
• Read, draw, paint, create.

Not sure about where your time and energy is going? Check out this free download – Energise Her